Wedding vows on a post it note ftw

So last year after the Grey's Anatomy season finale in a drunken state my best friend and I decided to write a fic based on Season 5. Or well...our version of season 5. And this year...well I don't think I'm drunk, just feeling good, and we just started a new one so that's out of the question. And as it turns out I've been considering starting a blog for ages now...and when isn't a better time to start a blog than after 3 glasses of wine and a Grey's high?

If this first post doesn't make any sense at all...well please just disregard it...

Anyway...let's start with the voice over.

"When something beging we generally have no idea how it's going to end. The house you were going to sell becomes your home. The roommates you were forced to take in become your family. And the one night stand you were determined to forget becomes the love of your life.... Did you say it? I love you. I don't ever want to live without you, you changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal, work toward it. But every now and then look around. Drink it in. Because...this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."

And that right there sums up this episode for me. In a nutshell, that's it. That whole entire episode was...I could go on for hours, I really could. But I won't because it's 2 in the morning and tomorrow is an excellent day for writing so I need sleep but I just needed to blog tonight. Not every pist on this blog will be about Grey's but this one needed to be. Because that episode was something else. It was one of those episodes that touched me deep down...somewhere, and shook me hard. It was one of those episodes that make me desperately crave wanting to be a writer because it makes me want to make other people feel an iota of what I'm feeling right now.

That episode is why 101 episodes into this crazy ride, Grey's Anatomy is still one of the top show on television.

And I will probably post more in depth stuff about specific plot lines tomorrow since I have the day off and I fully plan on rewatching...but for now, I have two points to me that have nothing to do with the show and everything to do with me personally and things that the show makes come alive within me (which is why I love this show so fucking much in the first place)

1) I refuse to get married until I get what Derek and Meredith has. Not the one night stand or the ex-wife, or the vet or the...well you know the list. But that. Tonight. That all that craziness was going on and all Meredith wanted to do was marry Derek. She didn't want to waste another day, she didn't want to worry about it all being gone, she just wanted to marry Derek because that was all she wanted. And it wasn't about the wedding. It was about THEM being sworn to eachother FOREVER. So she was okay that it was unofficial, that it was just them, alone in the locker room, writing vows on a post it note to put up in her locker. In the grand scheme of the world, those 5 minutes meant nothing and no one else will ever recognize them. But they did. In those five minutes they promised each other...everything. And that was what mattered to them. That was all they wanted to do on the day of craziness. And for them that was enough for it to be a marriage. And isn't that what marriage is supposed to be? It's not about the crazy dresses and food and dancing and all that. It's about promising to be there when the other person gets old and senile and stinky. And quite frankly...until I find a man that I'd be willing to marry in a locker room, in a ceremony that's not recognized by anyone but us, I don't want to get married.

2) About that man...there's this guy. There has been this guy for as long as I can remember. He's just been there. And I've been in love with him. Always. And I've never said a word. EVER. Because I'm a big ass chicken shit. But that episode, that closing voiceover, it made me think. It made me think a lot and now, I just want to say it. I desperatel ywant to tell him but I have no idea how because the truth is, we're not even that close anymore. But really, maybe HE'LL get dragged by a bus and I'll have him ripped out of my life (because as much as we're not close, he is still part of my life, this huge and yet tiny part of my life) and then I'll have to live with never telling him. Which is...insane. But I don't know how to say it. So I'll say it here. *Deep breath* I love you. I don't know if you're reading this or if you even know it's you that I'm talking about but I love you. And I may never say it to your face but there it is. Out there in the universe. I love you. I have loved you since the moment I met you, and while I have no idea what my life has in store (that whole not knowing where a beginning is going to end thing from the start of the episode) I am quite certain that I will always love you. Such is my existence on this planet.

Seriously, though people, (not that that wasn't serious) if you're reading this right now...go tell someone you love that you love them. Anyone. I made a point of telling my friends tonight. And god, I wish I could tell the guy. But just say it. Say it because you never know when it's going to be too late.

God, I love when Grey's makes me think this much.

Total total win.

And now I should sleep. I really should. Because it's important and all that jazz and tomorrow is room cleaning and writing and rewatching and I'll definitely make some time to post. And maybe introduce myself in case people who don't know me stumble upon this.

PS. On the topic of love...I also love Patrick Dempsey.